Father had had enough of Jake. One Sunday after proclaiming the Gospel, Father began his sermon, as usual, and, as usual, off to sleep goes Jake.

Father whispers into the microphone, ‘‘Whoever wants to go to heaven, stand up.’’

The whole congregation, minus one person, jumps to its feet. Jake snores.

Then, Father shouts, ‘‘Whoever wants to go to hell, stand up!’’

Jake jumps up, looks around the church and says, ‘‘Father, I don’t know what we’re voting for, but you and I seem to be in favor of it.’’

Although God has given us inspired words, too many preachers have taken the punch out of them with mediocre preaching.

Nothing is more important than breaking open the Word of God during Liturgy and giving people hope through quality preaching. Just as we celebrate Eucharist with dignity and respect, God’s Word demands the same attention.

We’ve all given dull, unimaginative homilies at times, easy, pat sermons that don’t appeal to the congregation. Comments voiced from the pews are varied around the same theme - you are losing your audience:

‘‘Boring! He’s out of touch.’’

‘‘He’s over my head. I can’t follow what he’s saying.’’

‘‘I’ve stopped paying attention to him.’’

‘‘He loses me - he talks too slow or he mumbles - I can’t hear him!’’

‘‘This is the same homily he gave last year-he should get new material.’’

‘‘He never mentioned the couple’s names during the wedding homily!’’

‘‘What’s he talking about? I don’t understand what he was trying to say.’’

‘‘He always says the same thing for funerals.’’

‘‘I always read the bulletin when he has the Mass.’’

‘‘Not him again! Next time, call ahead to see who has the nine o’clock Mass.’’

People have the power to tune us out and to turn us off. It’s up to us to find new ways to capture and hold their interest. Fortunately, not all their comments are negative. Many parishioners have constructive and positive things to say:

‘‘Great homily - wish my kid had heard it.’’

‘‘It’s like he was talking to me - it was just what I needed to hear.’’

‘‘I can really relate to what he’s saying - he talks at my level.’’

‘‘He talks about things that are relevant today.’’

‘‘I wish you preached at my parish.’’

‘‘He’s motivated me to do something about the problems in my life.’’

‘‘I could listen to him all day - he always has something to say.’’

‘‘He made my daughter and her new husband feel so welcomed.’’

‘‘Hey, Father, how about a copy of your sermon?’’

If his telephone rings for appointments Monday through Friday, the preacher will know he’s reaching his audience. While this is not always a true litmus test, requests for meetings do show we’ve made a connection with the everyday stuff of people’s lives. If we’re doing our jobs correctly, any hurting people in the congregation will feel hope, realizing, ‘‘Someone understands me. I’m not alone. I can talk with him.’’

Preachers each develop their own unique styles. While some are effective, others are not. Some preachers’ homilies are inadequately prepared, poorly delivered and often disconnected from the lives of those in their congregations.

Here are just a few styles that don’t work, all of which can be dreadful to listen to Sunday after Sunday.

Preaching from the Seat of Your Pants - When preachers don’t prepare, it suggests two options: the preacher either doesn’t care or he’s just so talented he can put something together en route from the chair to the pulpit. Unfortunately, the latter is seldom true.

Being unprepared shows a lack of respect for the congregation-when he wings it, the preacher isn’t fooling anyone. Members of the congregation can tell when the preacher is preaching from the hip, and they won’t appreciate it.

Congregational Comedy Central - Every homily begins with a lame joke, but when the congregation doesn’t respond with a good belly laugh, the preacher reminds them, ‘‘That was a joke!’’ They know. It just wasn’t funny. Stop scolding them, and get on with your homily.

Jokes quickly lose their value, and it’s often difficult to have something fresh and humorous every weekend. While jokes can be effective, they can also work against you. Many jokes hinge on the perfectly timed one-liner.

If the preacher is nervous and mucks up the punch line, no one will laugh and tension will build, distracting the congregation from the preacher’s words. Some people will only remember the joke, not the message.

Those Were the Days - Some preachers love to wax nostalgic about their families and their labors, often beginning their homilies with, ‘‘Let me tell about the good old days growing up. . . .’’ While this style may work well for a family reunion or a eulogy, it’s out of place for a homily.

Although the congregation can certainly find inspiration from the struggles of others, the preacher is there to explain the word of God, not entertain with anecdotes from the ‘‘good old days.’’ This type of sermon will not only cause uncomfortable shifting among the congregation, but also convey just how out-of-date the preacher is, making it difficult to relate to him.

Déjà Vu - Why tell a great story through the Liturgy, and then retell the readings in the homily? It’s not necessary. An occasional reference is fine, but resist from repeating what was just proclaimed. They listened.

Another form of déjà vu is repetition of the same message, week after week - ‘‘You’re loved, and God cares for you’’- no matter the text. Part of our job is to find new ways to inspire our congregation. Using the same words to relay the same message every Sunday is laziness, pure and simple.

Once Upon a Time - We all love stories, and that’s how some preachers begin every homily. Much of the time, these stories are great, but when they don’t have a connection to the readings, uncomfortable silence often ensues as parishioners scratch their heads in confusion.

The preacher might like the story because it’s interesting, has an unexpected ending or might bring a tear or a laugh, but he has to ask himself, ‘‘Why this story? What is the connection?’’ While stories are often good attention grabbers, don’t tell one unless it has direct bearing on God’s story.

Help! I’ve Stepped Up to the Pulpit, and I Can’t Get Down! - Sometimes, the preacher will go on for hours, using metaphors, anecdotes, personal stories and lots and lots of words to seemingly say nothing. This style is similar to riding in a hot air balloon; these preachers are in the clouds.

They start off well, but then become blown off course, unable to find their way back home. During these homilies, parishioners get a taste of everything, but never enough to satisfy them, causing them to walk away, shaking their heads, wondering, ‘‘What was that all about?’’

Too much information can be as bad as not saying enough. Take care when preparing your sermon, and ensure that your meaning is clear. You can use all sorts of techniques to illustrate your central message, but don’t obscure it with too many bells and whistles - and don’t stray too far off course or you’ll lose your audience.

Spamming the Congregation - These preachers drag everything into their homilies: their favorite movies, television programs, magazine articles, vacation stories, restaurant meals, novels or songs - all in one sitting. These homilies resemble commercial websites, one pop-up ad after another, and about as welcome.

Choose what you’re going to say, and stick to it. Don’t introduce excess information, especially if you’re only relaying it to hype something you find interesting. Preachers can’t say everything that everyone needs to hear in one sitting: Preach one thing well, rather than saying everything poorly.

Aah(ers) - After each sentence, these preachers always pause and say, ‘‘Aah, Aah.’’ Meanwhile, their parishioners don’t know whether the preacher lost his train of thought, forgot what he was saying or decided to prepare for a throat examination. As if the ‘‘Aahs’’ weren’t enough, these preachers bring along their relatives: ‘‘Umm,’’ ‘‘Well,’’ ‘‘It’s sort-a-like,’’ ‘‘You know’’ or ‘‘This, that and the other.’’

Plan your sermon, be clear and concise, use notes if you need to, and stay on track. As soon as you begin to sound like you’ve lost interest in your sermon, your audience will follow shortly.

Preaching Fire and Brimstone - Some preachers are always beating up congregations for not being "spiritual" enough, often using ‘‘fire and brimstone’’ language to set impossible demands that leave their congregations feeling awful.

There will always be something we can preach against, but you have to preach for something or else people will quickly learn to shut you out. After all, no one (including the preacher) is anywhere close to perfect. Just as we can’t live on a steady diet of castor oil and penicillin, we do not grow primarily through criticism. We grow through the whole Word.

Needless to say, none of these styles work well with congregations. Instead of getting requests for one-on-one meetings, you’ll get blank stares or drooping eyelids. As preachers, we need to be aware of these pitfalls and work to avoid them.

Effective styles will move people. Preachers can see it in their body language, parishioners leaning forward and paying attention. As the preacher realizes he has made a connection, he will see a nod of the head or a knowing look on the faces in the congregation. They’re listening, saying without words, ‘‘Yes, tell me more.’’

People don’t toss and turn all night over the economic Trinity or the synoptic problem, but they do churn over life’s troubles and trials, hurts and heartaches, slaps and setbacks - being betrayed by friends, lukewarm relationships, unknown directions with decisions, anxiety, worry, fear, letting go of the past, grudges, terminal illness, death or financial ruin, all serious real-life problems. They come to church to find a way to cope with these problems.

The purpose of the homily is to help your congregation make sense of their lives, to find a place for the missing pieces, the broken pieces, the confusing pieces and the lost pieces, and point people in the direction of God, who is there to help us keep it together. In order to be effective, the homily needs to relate to people’s ordinary, everyday life struggles.

People need to hear good, hopeful and challenging news relating to their ordinary experiences: ‘‘Everything is going to be ok,’’ ‘‘Don’t give up,’’ ‘‘God is good,’’ ‘‘You’ll make it’’ and ‘‘Jesus wants to say the word you need to hear to be healed.’’

Unfortunately, with so many preachers using the awful techniques enumerated above, not enough people get to hear the words they so desperately need.

My suggestion for an effective homily is simple: prepare it with care, and then deliver it with flair. To achieve this goal, follow my five elements: catch, connect, create, center and conclude.

Catch: Begin with a compelling ‘‘hook.’’ Since attention spans are at a premium, the preacher only has a 20 seconds window of opportunity to grab the congregation’s attention. He needs to catch them immediately with a startling comment, a question, an appropriate story or some light humor. Make the most of the time after the gospel to keep them engaged and focused, so they don’t mentally wander away.

Connect: You got them with the hook; now connect God’s Word to their lives with a comment, question or story. To hook them and fail to make a connection is like plugging a television into a powerless outlet: You never get the picture; nor does the congregation. Use the connection to invite them into your message, slowly and gently, so they understand that your sermon is directed to each of them.

Create: At the heart of your homily is the message you want them to take home to help them get through their week. It’s where your conviction as a preacher comes through. Use creativity. Be interesting, personal or timely. Be enthusiastic about what you are saying. Believe in what you say, and let it show. Punctuate your message with stories or pastoral experiences, both of which help people to remember your words throughout the coming week.

Center: You’re continually working to keep them engaged, alert, focused and attentive to your message, centering them on the good news of God and Jesus, while pointing them to God’s promises created in your message. Throughout your sermon, refocus on your central message. By keeping your congregation on the ball, they’ll have minimal time for mental wandering or daydreaming.

Conclude: You’ve grabbed their attention, connected God’s story to their story, created a meaningful experience and centered your message. Now end your sermon. Avoid repeating yourself or introducing another homily within your homily.

End strongly by asking a question, providing a challenge or using a story. By leaving your parishioners with a focused sermon that ends on an up note, you’re effectively packaging your message so they can to take it home and think about it during the week.

Because it speaks directly to your parishioners, you homily is an important part of your ministry. Put a good amount of work into it, craft it, test it, refine it and pray over it. A good homily lives on in the congregation’s lives all week long, because you cared enough to prepare it well and to preach it with enthusiasm.